I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
