too bad you live with your parents still
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
