Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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