I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
