So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Sober January is a disaster.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize