He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
