I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
