so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
