Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
