Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
