I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
