Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
