If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
