after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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