At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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