i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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