I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
