you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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