Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
