I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Oh god it's open bar.
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