Cold hands, warm shart.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
