No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
