Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
