Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
