Define "chronic" masturbator.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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