I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
