And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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