i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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