He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
