my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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