I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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