What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
