They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
