Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she told me i tasted like america
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
