no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
