i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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