Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
