i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
