If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
