We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
