There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
A+ Viking dick
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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