My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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