very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
