At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
