and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Screwed.edu
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
