I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
