Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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