Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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