sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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