Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
