Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
