Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
